Thursday, January 8, 2009


Introduction to Extraversion

days you want to hang out by yourself, not answer the phone, and make
the world go away. The next day you e-mail everyone, schedule lunch
with a friend, and try to find an evening gathering to take part in. It
may be the phases of the moon, or something you ate; some days are just
like that. In actuality, your desire to be with others or to be alone
reflects something deep in your personality. Some of us are more
comfortable by ourselves or with one or two friends, while others of us
crave the crowd and can't stand it when the house is empty or the phone
doesn't ring. The following paragraphs describe your fundamental
desires about being with other people; whether you are generally an
outgoing person or more reserved, if you seek adventures with others,
if you tend toward assertiveness or kindness.

When it comes to Extraversion you are:


Words that describe you:

  • Sociable
  • Outgoing
  • Energetic

  • Lively
  • Communicative
  • Warm

  • Uninhibited
  • Assertive
  • Friendly

A General Description of How You Interact with Others

are a very sociable person, enjoy spending time with other people, and
seek their company. You are probably uncomfortable with an empty
calendar or an empty house. You like coming home to your family or your
roommate, but not to a dark living room when no one is there. You are
very outgoing; you seek out other people, arrange activities, organize
gatherings, anything that gives you an opportunity to be with your
friends. And when you're with them, you are full of energy. You add
liveliness to any situation. You talk and listen, participate in
whatever the activity is "a sport or a party or a walk in the woods"
and come away from such experiences pumped up by the time spent

You especially like to talk with your friends. You
bring energy and genuine interest to almost any conversation. When they
speak, you listen; and then you are eager to have your say as well. You
know how to connect in a conversation, using your energy, your
vocabulary, and your genuine interest in being with the other person.
You are at your best and are happiest in these experiences of real

One more thing about you. When you are in
these experiences of real communication with others, you really know
how to let yourself go. When you talk, when you play, when you
participate in some activity, you are unrestrained. You give all that
you've got to these moments, and because you like the experience so
much, your warmth comes through. It is clear to whomever you're with
that you're glad to be in just this situation. In these warm, wide-open
moments, you are you at your best.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

everyone will enjoy being with you. Because you are so outgoing, those
who want their share of the time in a conversation or who think their
contribution is worthy of as much focus as yours my find you too much
to take. "Talks way too much, and always wants to be the center of
attention" is a phrase others may use about you, sometimes to your
face, though more often behind your back. And some people simply might
get fed up with you.

Also, those whose personality is
quieter, whose idea of a good conversation is more low-key,
low-intensity, low-volume, may find they want some distance from you.
For them, you suck up too much of the air in the room, and they need to
walk away to breathe more comfortably. They might not say anything,
after all, they're not as communicative as you are, but by their
distance or their absence they'll let you know that sometimes you're
more than they can or want to handle. How you choose to respond will
likely depend on the situation but it is important for you to realize
some people may have this sort of response to you.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

the other hand, many people will enjoy your company immensely. Your
warmth and liveliness will attract them to you, and your ability to
communicate with such unrestrained energy will draw them in and keep
them interested. They will appreciate your willingness to take the
initiative in planning an event or leading a conversation, and because
you come alive in a group you will make any social situation more fun
and more interesting for everyone involved.

If you sometimes
go over the top: talk too much, insist too intently on your own
opinions, get someone involved in an adventure that may be out of their
usual realm of behaviors, people who know you well will probably cut
you some slack because they understand that when you get wound up you
sometimes don't stop. It's just lively, energetic, outgoing you who
makes life so much more interesting for your friends.


Introduction to Conscientiousness

a work day, breakfast is over, and you're dressed and ready. So how
will you approach the tasks at hand? Some people work best with a clear
schedule, a set of priorities and a due date for every step in the
process. Others are, shall we say, less regimented. They approach a
task with as much imagination as organization, and with a willingness
to bend and modify in order to exercise some urge of creativity.

How about you? Do you walk in a straight line toward a clear goal, or
are you more likely to dance your way down whatever path will get you
wherever it is you're headed? The following paragraphs describe ways in
which you approach the tasks life brings to you, and to what extent you
are focused or flexible in how you choose to proceed.

Your approach toward your obligations is:

Words that describe you:

  • Casual
  • Informal
  • Compliant

  • Reliable
  • Organized
  • Solid

  • Dependable
  • Uncommitted
  • Genuine

A General Description of How You Interact with Others

you take on a task at work or at home, you are reliable; you get the
job done. In an organized way, you define the goal, lay out a plan,
figure how long the task will take, and get to work "solid and
dependable you".

But and this is important you're not a slave
to the plan. You're committed to it, but not chained to it; the
connection is more casual and informal. You know that sometimes "the
best laid plans" fall off the tracks; when this happens, you clean up
the train wreck and start over, undeterred.

Though not
happening often, when plans change, you're okay with it. In fact,
sometimes you change the plan. It's too nice of a Saturday to finish
organizing the garage. Let's go for a bike ride instead. True, the next
rainy Saturday will likely find you back in the garage, but for now the
work can wait.

What an interesting combination of qualities
in you're organized, but casual; solid, but compliant; and dependable,
but informal. At home and at work, people know they can rely on you.
You take great satisfaction in knowing that people think of you as
disciplined and responsible, but you also know that you have something
of a free spirit in you, and when this spirit moves you, off you go,
following the impulse of the moment. You are rightly proud of your work
ethic, but you also enjoy your willingness to lay the tools down, crank
up the music and play like a child.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

people live like Marines: duty-bound, disciplined and driven. To these
people you might seem uncommitted; where they would never leave work
for play or change plans in the middle of their life's forced march,
you let the circumstance sway you and move in a different direction,
and they don't understand.

Others live like kites on a
string, attached by thin threads to the solid ground of responsibility
and are blown about by every gust of impulse or imagination. To these
people you might seem too cowardly, like you'll flirt with your
impulses but never give in fully, play on a Saturday but never blow of
the entire work-week to "follow your bliss".

While these
Marines and kite-flyers might look down on you for your combination of
focus and flexibility, others might be envious. They can't free
themselves from a sense that they're not doing enough, or from the
equally frustrating feeling that they're not free enough.

here you are with your accomplishments and your pleasures, getting the
job done but also getting your hair blown back as you run with the
wind. As far as these people are concerned, you're lucky you've got the
best of both of the worlds in which they feel they fail.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

a great life you have, and a great attitude to boot. You know when to
buckle down and push ahead to get the job done, and you do it well. You
know when to lay the tools of your trade aside, grab your kite and head
for the meadow where you can run with the wind. Many people will see
and admire in you this lovely combination of a person who can focus,
but who is flexible enough to know when to let the spirit move you in
some new and livelier direction.

It's a life they aspire to,
and they delight in seeing it played out in your life. They may ask
your advice and turn you into a mentor of the full and balanced
experience. They will want to know how you do it, what the costs are,
and if you get frightened that you're not working hard enough or
playing often enough. They may make you think about your own life more
than you have, so you can share it with those who want to emulate this
balance between flexibility and focus. They may be correct lucky you!

Emotional Stablility

Introduction to Emotional Stability

born with the capacity to feel deeply, so it's as natural as breathing
to experience a range of emotions. Fear and joy and sadness, anger and
shame and disgust lie somewhere within each of us. Ah, but to what
extent do we control these emotions, and to what extent do they control
us? How you answer this question of how your emotions play out in your
life has a great deal to do with your levels of personal satisfaction
and with the character of your relationships with others. Do you manage
your emotions well, keeping them in check with your thinking and your
willpower, or are you someone who lets emotions have their way, giving
in to the wild dance of feelings? The following paragraphs describe
your emotional range in terms of being a person who is emotionally
steady or someone who is responsive to whatever feelings swell up in

On Emotional Stability you are:


Words that describe you:

  • Adaptable
  • Engaged
  • Able to Cope

  • Passionate
  • Perceptive
  • Flexible

  • Receptive
  • Aware
  • Avid

A General Description of Your Reactivity

some ways, you've got the best of emotional worlds. When emotions rise
up from inside you or are brought forth from a conversation by a
friend, you know how to engage them. You deal with sadness, fear, joy,
anger - whatever comes up - in ways that are perceptive and flexible.
You can adapt to whatever level of emotion is appropriate to the
moment. At other times, you are able to cope with your emotions in a
more reserved manner. Because you are aware of what does and does not
make emotional sense in a particular situation, you will decide when it
is an appropriate time to express your emotions and when it would be
best to keep them to yourself.

All of this gives you a rich
emotional life. You are free to express your passions about certain
subjects with appropriate people. But you are also emotionally
adaptable; if the conversation needs to be more cerebral, you'll keep
it "in your head" and talk calmly through whatever issue is on the
table. This emotional awareness serves you well. You seldom get in over
your head, either by opening up to the wrong person or by triggering in
someone else's emotions they may not be able to deal with.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

it comes to dealing with emotions we all meet some people with whom we
don't match well. You bring a balanced approach to your emotional life.
As such, those who are at the extremes are most likely to have a
negative reaction to you. Those who live in their emotions may feel you
tend to "live in your head" while those who go through life as an
emotional rock may feel that you are a bit too "touchy feely" for their

And of course it is always possible that because you
do balance your emotional approach to life you may misread others - we
all do at times. So there have undoubtedly been those times when you
have misread cues and stayed in your head with someone who hoped for a
more open emotional approach or you may have opened up emotionally with
someone who keeps their emotions bottled up. But these things happen
and since you do have a good balance of being in touch with your
emotions and not being overly impacted by emotional swings, you
undoubtedly are able to adapt.

Another potential problem is
that as people get to know you well, they will discover that you have a
great balance between emotional expression and emotional control. If
they don't have this balance they may wind up envying you. They can't
express feelings as well as you, or they are too often out of emotional
control and resent you for your ability to cope so well with the very
emotions that may trip them up.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

people will be grateful to find a friend like you who can stay in
control when emotions verge on chaos, but who can also go into the
tangle of emotions when it is safe and appropriate to do so. Because of
your ability to engage them at whatever level they are comfortable, to
adapt to whatever changes in emotion emerge in the conversation, and to
cope so well with all of it - well, they'll be very glad they found a
person like you. You may, in fact, wind up as something of an emotional
mentor. Your awareness of the emotional temperature of a situation,
your ability to adapt to either heat or cold, and your ability to cope
with whatever winds up happening in the conversation could be models
for them to follow as they come to terms with their own emotional


Introduction to Openness

firmly committed are you to the ideas and beliefs that govern your
thinking and guide your behavior? Some people trust their current ideas
and beliefs the way a climber trusts the mountain; whichever way they
move, whether the climb is on a familiar trail or over new ground,
there is something solid beneath them, something they count on.

For others, new ideas, new solutions to old problems, new beliefs that
replace tired convictions are like welcome wind in their sails. They
can hardly wait to tack in a new direction and ride a new idea through
uncharted waters. If it's new, it's interesting, and they're ready to

The following paragraphs describe your responses to
new ways of thinking and believing. How do you handle new information?
Are you more like the climber on a familiar mountain or a sailor with a
tiller in hand and a fresh breeze to propel you? How you integrate and
process new information about the world and about others is a core
aspect of your personality.

On the Openness Dimension you are:


Words that describe you:

  • Imaginative
  • Creative
  • Intellectual

  • Adventurous
  • Unconventional
  • Artistic

  • Progressive
  • Daring
  • Inspired

A General Description of How You Approach New Information and Experiences

are a very creative and imaginative person who is especially open to
new ideas or new ways of thinking about old problems. You love to
approach a conventional idea or a traditional way of doing things by
walking around to the other side and explore it from a novel
perspective. What's new is what interests you. Like an artist looking
for a new way to see, you focus your imagination on envisioning ideas,
events or problems in completely original ways. You are intellectually
progressive, which means you like to think and feel your way into
unexplored landscapes where you let your sense of intellectual
adventure romp freely.

Because you are so curious you can also
be very teachable. You learn from personal and interpersonal
experiences as well as from classrooms and textbooks. You crave new
information, and toss and turn it in your vivid imagination. When you
come across an idea from someone else or a thought in your own head
that is particularly provocative or original, you light up. With wit
and wisdom, Dr. Seuss describes you like this: "Think left and think
right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if
only you try!"

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward Your Style of Thinking

everyone will be thrilled by your adventurous mind. Many people are
content with the ideas that have served them and their culture well,
and with visions they've grown accustomed to of what is and is not
true. They're not lit up at the prospect of moving out of their comfort
zone. Others are afraid of new ways of thinking and creative ways of
solving problems because they are somewhat fragile in the sense that
they have trouble maintaining serenity in their current worlds and
don't want someone, like you, for instance, pushing out the edges of
their intellectual and cultural cosmos. So don't be surprised if your
unconventional ideas sometimes get you criticized, or if some people
walk away from the explorations of new territories of the mind that you
find so exhilarating.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

some negative responses to your style of thinking, many people will
find your progressive thoughts and vivid imagination quite attractive.
Some will find your openness to new ways of thinking and your
willingness to explore what others shy away from a very compelling
quality. Other creative souls will find in you a companion on the
journey into the unknown, and will welcome the camaraderie.
Conversations with them will be lively and innovative and will ignite
your imagination, and theirs. Even some who are less curious than you
will be impressed by your courage to think and believe what is for them
unimaginable, and by your willingness to go on adventures of the mind
that they would find dangerous or daunting. For these people you might
become a mentor into the wilder side of thinking and believing, and
nudge them toward the creative and progressive ideas that you find so


Introduction to Agreeableness

section of your profile describes your interactions with other people.
The ways we communicate our feelings, beliefs and ideas to others are
influenced by our cultural backgrounds, the way we were raised, and
sometimes which side of the bed we got up on this morning. Some of us
are very mindful of others making decisions we hope will be in their
best interests, even if it means sometimes neglecting our own
interests. Others of us believe each person should be responsible for
themselves, taking deep pride in our own character and independence
with a firm belief that others are best served by doing the same. The
following describes how you engage with others; illustrating the
dimension of your personality that determines your independence or your
desire to reach out and touch others in meaningful ways.

You are best described as:


Words that describe you:

  • Understanding
  • Unquestioning
  • Humane

  • Selfless
  • Gentle
  • Kindhearted

  • Gullible
  • Indulgent

A General Description of How You Interact with Others

one important truth about you: you have a tender heart. Yes, you know
that others need to learn to take care of themselves. Yes, you know
they need to accept the consequences of their foolish or bad behavior.
And sometimes, even when your instinct is to help them, you will let
them fend for themselves and let them suffer the consequences of their
choices or circumstances.

But most of the time you are there to
help when they need you. If they are in trouble, you offer compassion
and go out of your way to be helpful. If they need someone who will
listen, you are trustworthy and sympathetic. And you are direct with
them; when they need advice or counsel, you offer it in a
straightforward, direct manner, without beating around the bush.

You're also smart enough to know that you cannot take good care of
others if you fail to take good care of yourself, so you listen to your
own wants and needs. If you've run out of sympathetic energy, you spend
time restoring yourself. If you've ignored your own pain or
frustration, you find a friend who will listen well, or go into your
own private healing place and give yourself permission to focus on you.

But before long, you're back at it with your friends, offering
a sympathetic ear and compassion on which they learn to trust, also
giving straightforward advice and counsel when they ask for it. You do
know how to take care of yourself, but your genuine interest is in
taking care of others.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

people might be embarrassed by you. While they're using their time and
energy almost exclusively on themselves, they see you giving time to
others, and your kindness puts them in a bad light.

they'll think you're a phony, that you use your altruism to get others
indebted to you so they'll then owe you a favor. Or perhaps they'll
accuse you, directly or behind your back, of focusing on the needs of
others so no one ever focuses on your foibles or your genuine wounds.

All of these are false accusations; yours is a genuine compassion,
because you truly have a tender heart. One criticism might be more
substantial, though. People might notice when you let things get out of
balance and spend so much time responding to others that you neglect
your own needs.

Perhaps it's true to some extent that you are
more comfortable when the focus is on someone else's needs than when
you and your needs are front and center, and this may be a criticism
worth paying attention to.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

responses to you are likely to far outweigh negative responses. For
many people, your genuine kindness will be an example of a way to treat
others and a way we want others to treat us. They will see in you the
traits of compassion and sympathy which they might want to focus on in
the development of their own character.

For those people you
help you will be the friend they need, there at the right moment to
help them when they've stepped into yet another thicket of pain or
confusion. They will be grateful for your listening, for your straight
talk when they need straight talk more than anything, and for the hand
you extend so they can find their way, with your help, out of whatever
tangle they've gotten themselves into.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Yay for Doug! And missing the words I am used to.

After talking to Kris on the phone yesterday during break I really wanted to be able to mail out the crystals for him asap.  I got out of work 10 minutes late, and paused briefly to see if the craft department had any gift bags or small wooden boxes that would be good.  My buddy Doug stopped me to chat  briefly, hugging me as always with a ciao bella, and brief exchange in italliano.  He asked what I was looking for and I told him.  So he offered to do something really really really *100 nice for me and bring me a little box for me to use when he comes into work today.  Of course that earned him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.  He is such a good kid, and I am glad to count him as a friend. 

On another note, when I got home Kris wasn't online.  Not just that he wasn't there, he was actually not online at all.  I could sense that he wasn't home.  And while I miss him, having grown used to his words each day and seeing him on his cam constantly, I worry that he might exaust himself and make himself ill.  Perhaps I care too much to soon, but that is how I am with friends. More so with potential love intrests.

I hope he wakes up and gets online before I have to go to work.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Too good to be true?

A few days ago I received a message on OkCupid from a guy.  I thought nothing of replying and was quickly impressed by what I read/saw.  We were soon chatting on yim with me watching his webcam.  He so far seems like everything I have been waiting for.  I have agreed to be his teacher.  I have given my vow of friendship.  We have discussed a M/s relationship being possible, and maybe a romantic one.  We were a little naughty online, and then I called him today.  I feel like I am on a precipice.  Ready to fall.  How can I be feeling so much for someone so soon?

I don't feel ready, but at the same time I want it all NOW.  I want to totally possess him.  Make him mine in every way.  I have never felt such a need to own.