Monday, August 12, 2013


An ex pointed out to me that I attract the crazies.  And isn't that the truth.  I have a horrid history of past relationships, tracing back to the fact that said ex- tried to end our relationship over an instant message when we were engaged to be married;  Roger, my best friend in High School and first love used me and tossed me away; my first real relationship was an abusive psycho who still stalks me to this day.  Oh and the father of my children told our ex-girlfriend and mother of his other child that I am obsessed with him and he wants nothing to do with me until he needs me because he knows I would always be there for him. 

I am 33 years old.  I have 2 wonderful, frustrating children. I have never been married, but engaged multiple times.  I have been sexually involved with 42 people in my life. 

I am sexually confidant.  Yet, what does sex do for me but make my life more complicated and feedback my insecurities about love.  I am romantically stunted.

But who wouldn't be.

 At 12 years old I had my first date, with my male best friend.  Nothing ever happened, but I cared deeply for him and continued to do so for over a year.  We had a few pseudo dates. He moved away. He and I remained distantly friends.

At 15 years old I started dating my best friend's boyfriend's best friend.  Nothing ever happened.  He held my thumb once.  We only ever doubled with Linda and Roger.

At 17 years old I started tutoring a 15 year old freshman in Latin.  He never officially asked me out, but I lost my virginity to him, and fell into an abusive relationship where I was informed that I would marry him, I had no choice.  I finally had the nerve to end things when he was in Juvie.

At 18 I slept with my female college closest friend, who whenever she was drunk decided she loved me. If she was sober, I was just her best friend.

So yeah...I have reasons to have issues.

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