Another
4/12/13, 6:44 PM
Pacific Daylight Time
I haven't been sleeping well recently, I had a bit of a problem with my teeth. Lost a filling and had it decay to the point of a nerve being exposed. And getting it fixed caused major TMJ problems. Finally got everything sorted out though. Why am I telling you this? Because last night was the first night I really slept in a while. And it was a deep sleep, all the walls down, not a single shield. And when I woke up I could smell you, and I started to reach out for you, before I realized it was a dream and you were not there.
It was one of those odd dreams that I have before you show back up. Where its like half my dream, half yours. You were at some weird hotel like building and you were drunk and sick, and some guy named James called me to take care of you. I get there and you are passed out on a bed, drunk covered in your own vomit and piss. I cleaned you up, and tucked you in. You grabbed my wrist and pulled me into you. Holding me tight and giving me the sweetest kiss. The next part of the dream was you waking up, angry that I was there, until you realized that I was the one to take care of you. You yelled at me, raged and threw accusations about how I made you into the jerk and womanizer you became. That it was my fault. That all you ever wanted was me, and a simple life. But I had to hurt you and hide things from you. I had to keep telling you over and over that I wouldn't marry you. And how was that supposed to make you feel. I cried and told you that I know, and don't you think that it eats at me every single day of my life. That my fears ruined the best thing to ever happen to me. That I always felt like you loved the image of me, not the real me. That just like everyone else you would grow tired of my insecurities and neurosis and run away. That you wanted the confidant woman that I pretended to be, not the vulnerable woman who just wants to fit in and belong.
Waking up from that feeling that you are with me, and then discovering it was just another dream kinda hurt. So I have been depressed today.
And what do I do when I am depressed? Watch Romantic Comedy to feel worse about myself.
So here I am having watched a stupid RomCom, and it just is so much ironic "The Jerk Theory" and I see us in the mistakes they made. Here is the song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDyCdIE8zwE
Pacific Daylight Time
I haven't been sleeping well recently, I had a bit of a problem with my teeth. Lost a filling and had it decay to the point of a nerve being exposed. And getting it fixed caused major TMJ problems. Finally got everything sorted out though. Why am I telling you this? Because last night was the first night I really slept in a while. And it was a deep sleep, all the walls down, not a single shield. And when I woke up I could smell you, and I started to reach out for you, before I realized it was a dream and you were not there.
It was one of those odd dreams that I have before you show back up. Where its like half my dream, half yours. You were at some weird hotel like building and you were drunk and sick, and some guy named James called me to take care of you. I get there and you are passed out on a bed, drunk covered in your own vomit and piss. I cleaned you up, and tucked you in. You grabbed my wrist and pulled me into you. Holding me tight and giving me the sweetest kiss. The next part of the dream was you waking up, angry that I was there, until you realized that I was the one to take care of you. You yelled at me, raged and threw accusations about how I made you into the jerk and womanizer you became. That it was my fault. That all you ever wanted was me, and a simple life. But I had to hurt you and hide things from you. I had to keep telling you over and over that I wouldn't marry you. And how was that supposed to make you feel. I cried and told you that I know, and don't you think that it eats at me every single day of my life. That my fears ruined the best thing to ever happen to me. That I always felt like you loved the image of me, not the real me. That just like everyone else you would grow tired of my insecurities and neurosis and run away. That you wanted the confidant woman that I pretended to be, not the vulnerable woman who just wants to fit in and belong.
Waking up from that feeling that you are with me, and then discovering it was just another dream kinda hurt. So I have been depressed today.
And what do I do when I am depressed? Watch Romantic Comedy to feel worse about myself.
So here I am having watched a stupid RomCom, and it just is so much ironic "The Jerk Theory" and I see us in the mistakes they made. Here is the song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDyCdIE8zwE
No comments:
Post a Comment