"Those" damn dreams

Published on

10/18/13, 10:34 PM
Pacific Daylight Time

Those damn dreams.  The ones that led me to accept Midnight Stick Boi.  The ones that kept me going for my lonely childhood, convinced of my own power of prophecy and the awareness that I did have a soul mate out there.  A Dark Prince... how foolish a dreamer I was.  I created a fantasy around the dreams and visions.  I wanted a Barnabas Collins, sexy and powerful and dangerous.  My own sexual inclinations had nothing to do with the dreams or the fantasy.  The whole time I spend in puppy love/lusting after a gay man.  Granted he is a dead sexy gay man...who is wildly popular in his role as a porn icon.   

Oh, and having a series of unrequited crushes on totally unsuitable types. That is until I fell in love with my best friends boyfriend at 15.  And got the heart ripped right out of me.  And then suddenly there was Robert.  And he was so much like who I had foreseen.  I knew he was too young, and it kinda creep-ed me out at times.  And I knew it couldn't be him, because I literally felt NOTHING during sex.  But you know as well as I do that it is easy to break down and destroy someone who isn't on a solid base to begin with.  


I will always be scared of Robert.

I will always wonder why the hell I found it perfectly rational from the age of six to think that I would grow up to marry a person who had multiple personalities.  And how the hell the concept of a faceless lover who I knew to be potentially dangerous and to have an affinity for Demonology and Hacking once served as a comfort to me.  


Oh, yes...sweet little innocent Cola...

Dreaming of a tall, dark, and deadly stranger.  

I should have been committed then.

Save everyone a few troubled years...