Please note this post was written in 2009, and addressed to my ex Shawn.
/steelblueskies
It really scares me that he lives near by. I am terrified of this man. We met when I was 17, and he was 15. I was his latin tutor. He was 6'1", skinny, long dark hair, goth, liked swords, used a line on me about my last name being Jones, he loved computers, rebuilt mine for me. I bought him a sword. He was kinky, and liked to experiment with various things. We lost our virginity to each other, were handfasted. He was schizophrenic and DID. His mom was psycho and always in love with and pulling a scam on another man. I'd get so mad when other women came near him I saw red. He was abusive. He forced me to have anal sex with him. He raped me when I was sick. He would choke me at times. I feared for my life. I didn't break up with him until he was in Juvinile hall.
I forgave him the summer I was away at feild school. I had been engaged to Mike Beasley by this point, and we were taking a "break" to sow wild oats and make sure we wanted to get married. Robert came to stay with me some how or another...It seems vauge now. He pushed my good nature to the limit however, and I drove him out. We stayed in contact online, however and he moved into the Kheperu townhouse. Thats how I know all of them. Almost a year later, after Mike and I broke up, and I dated some chicks, I met Matt Nowalanic and got really into him for a while, started dating him post break up with Steph. He was Robert's best friend. Robert showed up at my dorm room to take Matt away. When he got kicked out of Kraperu, he moved in with my mom's then fiancee John Boyle. When I dropped out I moved in there too. Robert at this point was just a friend. He knew I had a series of girlfriends, and didn't have any intrest in men. (In my mind by this point I realized he wasn't the guy from my dreams long since and had given up hope of finding my dream lover, my dark prince so I might as well be gay right?). On my 21'st birthday I had a party at Tyr. Robert was my DD since he was only 19 at the time. Alidar was there. So was my then GF, Sarah January. My friend Tabitha (who alidar was in love with) and her boyfriend felt me up on the dance floor. I got wasted and blacked out. Three months later I found out Robert took me home and had sex with my unconcious body. I was pregnant. I freaked the fuck out. I didn't know it was him until the night before I lost the baby. I ran and hid from him. I never felt safe at my grandmother's when he was in Ohio. I panic still everytime I see a car like he drove.
Its part of the reason why I moved in so quickly with Paul and Airic. Why I let the relationship with Airic get so serious. Why I flipped out when he grabbed me by the throat and threw me. I mean, the whole coaking while having sex was ok, but being lifted by the neck very not cool.
So I hope this explains a bit of my parinoias. A bit about why I had no intrest in Kryptmo (you reminded me of Chaos aka Robert). I was drawn into being in a horrid relationship that was utterly abusive and all because I thought I had found the guy that had been coming into my dreams for years. Now note how many charachteristics he shares with you. Granted you are dead sexy and brilliant, and he is midnight stick boi and looks scary. But all the same, it freaks me out sometimes. But I realise thats just because you ARE that guy I used to dream about. And while I have alwasy been turned on by the idea of anal sex, it scares me. I never wanted to have anal with Robert. He forced me. I have NEVER had willing anal sex.
That is something I am saving for, well you, if you'll have me.
This was directly imported from Musings to my Past private blog
/steelblueskies
It really scares me that he lives near by. I am terrified of this man. We met when I was 17, and he was 15. I was his latin tutor. He was 6'1", skinny, long dark hair, goth, liked swords, used a line on me about my last name being Jones, he loved computers, rebuilt mine for me. I bought him a sword. He was kinky, and liked to experiment with various things. We lost our virginity to each other, were handfasted. He was schizophrenic and DID. His mom was psycho and always in love with and pulling a scam on another man. I'd get so mad when other women came near him I saw red. He was abusive. He forced me to have anal sex with him. He raped me when I was sick. He would choke me at times. I feared for my life. I didn't break up with him until he was in Juvinile hall.
I forgave him the summer I was away at feild school. I had been engaged to Mike Beasley by this point, and we were taking a "break" to sow wild oats and make sure we wanted to get married. Robert came to stay with me some how or another...It seems vauge now. He pushed my good nature to the limit however, and I drove him out. We stayed in contact online, however and he moved into the Kheperu townhouse. Thats how I know all of them. Almost a year later, after Mike and I broke up, and I dated some chicks, I met Matt Nowalanic and got really into him for a while, started dating him post break up with Steph. He was Robert's best friend. Robert showed up at my dorm room to take Matt away. When he got kicked out of Kraperu, he moved in with my mom's then fiancee John Boyle. When I dropped out I moved in there too. Robert at this point was just a friend. He knew I had a series of girlfriends, and didn't have any intrest in men. (In my mind by this point I realized he wasn't the guy from my dreams long since and had given up hope of finding my dream lover, my dark prince so I might as well be gay right?). On my 21'st birthday I had a party at Tyr. Robert was my DD since he was only 19 at the time. Alidar was there. So was my then GF, Sarah January. My friend Tabitha (who alidar was in love with) and her boyfriend felt me up on the dance floor. I got wasted and blacked out. Three months later I found out Robert took me home and had sex with my unconcious body. I was pregnant. I freaked the fuck out. I didn't know it was him until the night before I lost the baby. I ran and hid from him. I never felt safe at my grandmother's when he was in Ohio. I panic still everytime I see a car like he drove.
Its part of the reason why I moved in so quickly with Paul and Airic. Why I let the relationship with Airic get so serious. Why I flipped out when he grabbed me by the throat and threw me. I mean, the whole coaking while having sex was ok, but being lifted by the neck very not cool.
So I hope this explains a bit of my parinoias. A bit about why I had no intrest in Kryptmo (you reminded me of Chaos aka Robert). I was drawn into being in a horrid relationship that was utterly abusive and all because I thought I had found the guy that had been coming into my dreams for years. Now note how many charachteristics he shares with you. Granted you are dead sexy and brilliant, and he is midnight stick boi and looks scary. But all the same, it freaks me out sometimes. But I realise thats just because you ARE that guy I used to dream about. And while I have alwasy been turned on by the idea of anal sex, it scares me. I never wanted to have anal with Robert. He forced me. I have NEVER had willing anal sex.
That is something I am saving for, well you, if you'll have me.
This was directly imported from Musings to my Past private blog
4/11/09, 10:20 PM
Pacific Daylight Time
Pacific Daylight Time
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