Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Questions Revisited



10/18/13, 9:00 PM
Pacific Daylight Time

In 2009 I posted a list of questions on here.  Months before we did the same ol' song and dance that we always seem to do.  And with Amber stating that you just keep saying that I know why you hate me, when I really don't...nor does she...or it seems anyone but you...well I looked back at those questions to see if I ever figured out any of the answers.



Questions I need answers to:

Do you love me? I think it is pretty clear at this point that the answer was that you did originally, and that a part of you held on to that feeling.  If you hadn't loved me, you wouldn't hate me now.

What do you want from me?


Are you still afraid I'd cheat?    I think it is pretty clear that you think you had/have me whipped.  I really think that half of the hell we have been through in the last 9 years was because you felt the need to test me.  I still don't get what is so hard to understand about my feelings on polygamy.  I only ever date/be intimate with/whatever one MALE at a time, I prefer to have a male AND a female partner.  I encouraged you to have a male partner of your own if you so desired, seems pretty self-explanatory.

Why do you play games with me?
Has become abundantly clear that it is because you NEED to get back on medications.  

Is it that I am not a sub? You seemed more than happy when I took charge so I know this wasn't the issue.

Do you want to do mutual blood-play again?
Not Applicable as I have no desire to.

Would you let me burn you, cut you, drink you in? N/A

Do you want to tie me up, beat me, make me beg? N/A

Do you want to be the only man I'd take it up the ass for?
We had this conversation and acted upon it.  
 
Do you want to own me? Can I own you back?

Do you want to break me?
Do you miss fucking me?
Do you miss making love to me?


Do you want me to have your baby all over again? I think this might be the crux of the problem.  We fuck, I start vomiting at the smell of coffee, take a bunch of pregnancy tests, they come back negative.  You act like a jerk, I got my "needs" taken care of elsewhere in a hormonal truly epic fail manor.  Find out I was indeed pregnant late January...1st doc insists I conceived post Dec 23, I believe said doctor...only to find out at Ultra Sound time that I was much further along.  I screwed up like major epic scale by insisting that the baby wasn't yours at first only to find out later that there was no way humanly possible it could have been the Pedo's.
 
Do you still dream of getting married?
Makes zero difference at this point.

Do you want me to want you? I am still curious about this...is that the problem?  Do you hate me because I didn't seem to want you enough?  Is it that I never really needed you? 
 
Do you want to know what I want?
Will you fight me for the right to take me?
Can you prove that your the one who can make me weak?
Do you want the chance to see not just part, but all of me?
Am I right that your the only man I'm able to submit to ever?
Will you make me give up my own kinks?
Will you let me take care of you?
Will you take care of me?
Do you know how much your tag line says to me?


Do you know that you drive me insane sometimes?

Do you realize that I never stopped loving you?
Do you realize I am falling all over again?
What are you waiting for?
Will you be true to me?
Will you promise that I won't regret it?
Can I commit to you?
Do you know I am torn with these feelings?


Is this being honest enough with you?

Do you still think deep down that I am the one?
Why can't I tie you up?
Would you let me worship you with my tounge?
Do you know I have been celibate for you?
Do you know how many times I tried to move on but no one com paired?
Do you realize how much it bugs me that you have a female roommate?
Don't you get I am jealous?
Do you know that I value your friendship?



Do you know that this has nothing to do with our daughter?  Hello?  I tried to stay friends with you even after everything fell apart yet again.  I have always, always tried to make sure you and Madison could have a relationship.  She needs her daddy. 

Will you claim me if we get back together?
Do you know that I really want you to say to the world that I am yours and you are mine?
Be mine?
Take me?
Do you know that you really are the prince from my dreams?
Do you know that I gave up divination cause it hurt to see myself with you when I couldn't touch you?
Do you realize that its always been you?
Even when I didn't know it?
Do you know that you were right? We did wish for each other?
Do you think it had to happen this way?
Can third time be a charm?
Do you think I am psycho, or like your other ex's?
Do you know that its all your fault, you made me love you?
Do you know that I tried to move on?
Do you realize I feel like I am pathetic here?
Do you know how terrified this makes me?
Do you get what I want from you yet?




We, or more like, I tried really hard this last time.  I was 100% ready for a monogamous committed relationship.  I was more than ready to say those two little words and made a legal binding commitment.  And then you lied to me.  You left my bed and our family Christmas day to go fuck some other chick, hours after being intimate with me.  And I realized then and there, I was done.  I could never be intimate with you again.  We would never be able to bring back the love we had shared in the beginning. I knew I would always care about you.  And I wanted to be your friend.  Hell, I took you to take your drivers test.  I tried my damnedest to be a good friend.  

And still the head games.  

Everything else came before Madison.

Your male friend that was always around at that time told me you threatened him that I belonged to you and that he wasn't even allowed to talk to me or compliment me. 

Then one day you just seem to freaking loose it.  You yell about not loving the kids...MADISON HEARS YOU, creating the beginnings of some serious mental heath issues for years to come.

And then poof, suddenly you are gone.  No idea where you are.

Until one day I log on to fetlife and see a "friend" commented on some chick's status congrats for getting engaged to you.

And I continuously see pictures of said chick's funky stuff pasted all over my feed until I deleted the person who was liking and commenting.

And I started to feel pity for you.

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